god, WHAT. THE. FUCK. WHAT. THE FUCK.


i'm going to assume that you want to be friends. what.t he. fuck is wrong with me. i need to get drunk. fucking now.

So, due to my extreme lack of intelligence, I don't have my schedule. This is because I put that i was taking precalc over the summer. And i didn't. And didn't tell them. I assumed they knew, 'cause i didn't send in the paper. whatever. So, now, i don't have my schedule. 'Cause they're waiting for my test. Ugh. So, when i tell them that I'm not doing it anymore, when i call, this'll be a problem. I sincerely hope they don't give me a reject schedule. That'd fucking suck. I just want normal classes. Ugh. And my schedule might be late. ugh. fml. i'm such an idiot. a fucking moron. i really am. this is bullshit. i just want normal classes. i'm such an idiot.

She says to be persistent. But. It's getting harder to. And it seems like she doesn't know what I know, but maybe she does. I haven't the faintest clue. What bothers me, is that this could easily end up nowhere. And that would kill me. But it seems like she does like me. I just don't know anymore.

I want to bleed a lot.

So. You stopped texting me at about 1:30. which is cool. you probably fell asleep. I feel like i pushed the sex, issue too much. I don't know what bothered me so much about it. It makes me really insecure. I don't think I would have been able to stand it. I hope you're not losing any feelings for me. God, I wish for you to like me every day.

Please. If you're listening. Please. Let everything be okay.

I think I hate myself for i.m.ing you. Clearly, you didn't want to talk. I don't even know anymore.

I'm so nervous. I'm so fucking nervous. what if it isn't me? I'm so worried that it won't be me. And that if it is me, she'll decide she doesn't feel anything. God, I just want you to like me. damn it.

OF FUCKING COURSE. OF FUCKING COURSE. OF FUCKING COURSE. god. i don't know what to do anymore. i really need help. someone help me.

I know that if she doesn't text me back, it may not mean anything. but she's had her phone, and she could have. maybe she forgot. hmph. is she treating you like all the other guys? who knows. you'll have to find out. god damn it. what do i do now? do i text her tomorrow? holy fucking christ. what the fuck do i do?

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.


BUT THEN AGAIN, AT THE SAME TIME, IT MEANS EVERYTHING.

if you text me back, how you feel. how do i know how you feel? god, i just want it to be me. and just me.

You know, I might be okay with you forgetting my text, hell, even with you talking to them.

God damn it. Talking to all the right people. Wonderfuckingful. because you talked to me. that means i was the right person. no. i was one of those right people. i'm just another one of your friends. i hate this. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN. IT.



I don't even get it anymore. what thefuck is wrong with me? why am i like this? it's because 1. you don't answer my text, hell, i'm fine with that. 2. you have your phone, you didn't care enough to check that you didn't respond. 3. I was just one of those people that you talked to today. what we talked about, whatever. it didn't mean anything. or what i can gather. I just don't get it.

I feel like i'm losing you. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of losing what it was going to be. I afraid that when you don't text me back, i'm losing you, that when you group me in with all of those 'people' i'm nothing special. i don't want to be just another one of those people. god damn it.

Well, it's late at night, again. And I keep thinking about you. I miss you terribly. I want to hug you. And I guess you fell asleep, or forgot to text me back. Which is fine, I guess. Maybe I'll text you tomorrow. Or maybe you will. I hope you do. Anyway, God, I miss you. I want to talk to you so badly.

It's becoming too much. I should really stop until I get further signs, I guess. I don't know if I want to get married on facebook. HAHA. well. 'cause I don't want her to think that. like. I just want to be friends. That would bother me. I guess, I'll just be married, and then ask you about this guy you potentially like. Oh God, help me.

hmph. if she doesn't text back, it doesn't mean anything. it probably means, she wandered away from her phone. i guess. that's all i have to accept. what if i'm doing all of this, if she just thinks of it as friendship? i hope not. That would kill me. Something good will happen to me. interesting.

If she doesn't text back, it doesn't mean anything. it doesn't mean anything.

I'm worried, 'cause I want you to realize, that 'yes, I do like him.' and that potential actually does become something. And you do like me. I want it to work out. I want you to be certain that you like me, and that you're not just using me. I want you to want me. I really want this. more than anything I've ever wanted something before. I want you to realize that I'm the one you want. And that you like me.

I just really want you to realize that the potential like you might have for me, actually becomes a like. Because that would make me so happy. I don't want you to decide that you're just using me, or that you don't like me.

Please. Please. please. Please, like me. Please. please. Oh, good Lord. Please.

So, I think I'm slightly buzzed. I can think for myself, but everything is moving. Is this what alcohol does to me? It's quite the wonderful feeling. To be honest, I haven't thought about her in a while. I just don't care. anymore. My head is spinning. Hah. So. It's 5:08. And I'm slightly buzzed. Wonderful fucking feeling. I'm letting it process. Oh, lord. I love this feeling. It's awesome. I'm not in a stupor, I'm not acting stupidly. I'm just sitting at my desk, my head spinning. Oh, it's a wonderful feeling. I love it. I love it. All my pain is going. I'm alive. But I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep. Anyway, I came here to say, that I'm not thinking about you, or the potential like you might have for me. For the first time. It really is amazing. But, I know I will in the morning. And I want you to know that I want you to like me. It would make my year.

So, hello afternoon or morning me, whichever, I was buzzed or drunk at 5:12 AM. hahah.

It's important, so God damn important, to remember, that she may not be talking about you. You might not be that guy. Just know that. That she may not feel the same. It could easily be someone else.

"its so easy for me to talk to him. and i trust him. he makes me laugh a lot. he's smart. stuff like that. for whatever reason he's the first guy thats actually even grabbed some of my interest in a long time."

oh god. because that could be about me. but it could also be someone else. Keep it in mind, child. Keep it in mind. Don't let this get to you. Don't. It could easily be someone else. There's not much that I know it could be. But it sounds like me. Don't let it get to you. Just keep an open mind. She could very well potentially like you. But she could not. Don't get your hopes up, boy. Just don't. It's easier this way. Just keep your feelings, and keep doing what you're doing. She said that she's always the one starting the conversations. Should i do anything? Should I talk to her more? Well established friendship. This could be about me. It could. Just be careful. Keep in mind that she may not be talking about you, and someone else. For God's sake, please, keep that in mind.

And you, if it is me, please. please. please. don't let me down.